Often, many people in relationships with a partner or family member can find themselves in a cycle of abuse, which then turns from abuse to positive reinforcing behavior, creating a cycle leading to trauma bonds. This can lead the victim to sympathise with the abuser. In the below, we will be looking at what trauma bonding is and the symptoms and signs to look out for, and how to go about breaking away from this trauma bond.
What is Trauma Bonding?
Trauma bonds are the toxic relationship between the abuser and the victim of the abusive relationship. It can be found in romantic relationships, between a child and abusive family members, or with a hostage and kidnapper situation. Trauma bonding can occur through the cycle of abusive behavior and positive behavior from the abuser. Through this way abusive behavior is normalised and whenever positive reinforcement is shown it can release an almost addictive-like dopamine rush, allowing for the abused to disregard the negative behavior and only focus on the infrequent good behavior.
Trauma Bonding Definition
Trauma bonding occurs when there is a cycle of mental and physical abuse with periods of love and affection between an abuser and the abused, leading the abused to grow an unhealthy attachment to the abusive person. “Victims have a certain dysfunctional attachment that occurs in the presence of danger, shame, or exploitation” (Patrick Carnes, 1997)
What is traumatic bonding theory?
Traumatic bonding occurs as a psychological response from the abused in an unhealthy relationship with a cycle of abuse. When the victim falls in this cycle of abuse, devaluation and positive reinforcement they can find themselves sympathising with their partner, expecting things can change.
What does trauma bonding feel like?
Trauma bonding feels like playing a slot machine. We put in, in the hopes that we get something back, but we don’t win most of the time. But when we do it releases a large amount of dopamine in the brain, leading one to continue on in their toxic relationship for the next big win or rush, creating a cycle.
Trauma Bond Symptoms & Signs
Trauma bonding has various signs and symptoms that can be identified in those that have been trauma bonded in an unhealthy relationship with an abusive person.
- Agreeing to the abuser’s reasoning for abusive behavior.
This is one of the main warning signs of a trauma bond, the victim will try and justify the actions of the abuser who have played on their mental health, often by gaslighting them into a sense of self-doubt and confusion about the nature of the relationship.
- Distancing oneself from family and friends.
Someone who is trauma bonded might distance themselves from their healthy relationships with loved ones as they often can bring up the fact of the abuse, which can often be hard to accept for the abused. It may also turn out that the abuser is psychologically manipulating this person into distancing themselves from these healthier relationships.
- Becoming defensive when attempts are made by outside sources to try to intervene and point out the abuse in the relationship.
Often when red flags are brought up with the victim from outside sources, they fail to believe that they are correct. Instead, they believe that they are in a healthy relationship and nothing is wrong. The toxic person in this relationship will use emotional abuse trying to manipulate the image the victim has on the relationship, convincing them into believing there is nothing wrong.
- Unwilling to take steps into leaving the relationship.
Sometimes through psychological abuse, the abuser may weaken the victim’s self-esteem, making them feel that they can’t survive without them. This in turn leads them to feel more comfortable in the relationship rather than out. They may develop a false sense of codependency to this person as a result.
Coming up in Part 2:
Trauma Bonding Recovery:
How to break a trauma bond and much more…